You Want Family Law Reforms?

Blogs Followed, Family Court Insanity, Fathers' Rights, Petitions, Presidential Election

75aa1-youtube2bchannel2bart2b-2b20151Politicians aren’t going to start taking us seriously until the Media starts taking us seriously.dysfunctional-family-courts-2015

Okay, Here’s One Thing That Needs To Happen…

And one of the first things the Media does when it wants to assess the newsworthiness of a cause is check FB, Twitter, etc. to see what kind of following the cause has. Hey, Media people are busy, and that’s a quick and dirty way for them to evaluate the potential public interest in a story, and these protests, petitions, etc. don’t have the physical weight to work well yet.Worst place is the family courts - 2015

Sure, they do generate publicity, but not a significant amount, because the reality is the Media simply sees 20 or 30 people jumping up and down outside the Court house, who they perceive are merely pissed-off about having to pay child support, and they just don’t think this is newsworthy.  Of course we know this perception is wrong, but, this is the majority one today- rightly or wrongly, it is what it is.

Now, the reason why that Bank of America petition earlier this year worked so damn well is because nearly everyone LOATHES banks, especially big banks. They nickel and dime us, they hide fees, the charge interest, they sue us, foreclose on us – whatever; they tend to frequently piss EVERYONE off.  So, a petition like that already has the base and the energy, and that’s why, especially in today’s economy, it flew off the radar.

We’re not there yet.

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Truthfully, there are millions of us who’re angry about that injuries that have been done to us and our children, but most aren’t seriously activated, and many are simply too afraid to speak out for fear of reprisal from a justice system relies heavily on secrecy and draconian measures to enforce its will.

But even more important, there are also one hell of a lot of folks who have a LOT to lose if reforms are actually made, and they ARE activated.

The National Organization for Women (NOW) has just under 40,000 Facebook followers.  Our two primary Lobby/Activist groups:Fathers and Families (just under 4,000 followers) and The American Coalition for Fathers and Children  (just under 1,500) are not even close in terms of political capital.  And nothing significant is going to happen to accomplish our goals until these numbers come up.

So first, we have to continue to work on coming together.  And as we do this, we have to realize that it’s unrealistic to believe we will ever persuade those who don’t agree with us.  But we can influence the middle, and they too, will begin to listen once we can show social proof in the form of numbers.”

Do I think petitions and protests are valuable tactics in affecting strategies for Family Law Reform?

Yup.

However, times change, and what worked yesterday, may not work as well today.

Petitions and protests certainly have their place, and as I mentioned above, they do generate publicity.  However, we must ADAPT to the conditions of today. 

So, let me try putting it this way: If NOW started sponsoring rallies against Family Law Reform, and The American Coalition For Fathers and Children started sponsoring rallies for Family Law Reform; which group do you think will be awarded greater credibility by the Media and the Public at large?

Effective strategy means adapting and exploiting current conditions to your advantage.  Petitions and protests appear to offer that quick fix we so desperately want, but the problem is, the conditions aren’t optimal for those tactics to work well yet.

Social networking platforms like Facebook give each one of us the power and the ability to publicize the truth without having to depend on the Media to do it.  And interestingly enough, it’s that very power that, these days, will actually work to attract the attention of the Media in the first place.

Statistically, each one of us knows at least two or three people within our group of Facebook friends who’ve been screwed over by the Family Court. 

Have you reached out to them?  Have you pointed them toward a group, page, or cause that can offer them love, support, and an opportunity to get involved?

The lesson here is a simple one: work on setting up and building the right conditions, then any number of tactics will have great power.

~ Michaelscocalogolg1
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Earlier in the week, I had an experience with a recently added member to one of our closed Facebook groups where he offered some criticism about our strategy of publicizing the need for Family Law Reform with Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, and within the blogosphere.

Basically, I get the sense he’s an old school guy who has spent years busting his tail to actively and publically protest against the corruption within our Family Court system, and I more or less got the feeling that he thinks what we’re doing isn’t bold or dangerous enough to attract any significant attention.

And then this morning, I was having another conversation with a friend of mine about signing a petition. Here’s how it went: 

KP:

 “I don’t know if any of you have experienced this, but for every petition I’ve signed or letter written to members of our government, I get back a generic email stating this is not an…

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Think Twice about that Custody/Access Assessment. I did.

#StandupforZoraya #SayHerName, Blogs Followed, Family Court Insanity, Fathers' Rights, PAS is Child Abuse, Petitions, Presidential Election

Did nothing wrong - 2015
The real problem in family court lies in a societal lack of family values of marriage, commitment, and respect for moral values. Society Do Nothing - 2016This percolates upward through the legislatures in all 50 states to create laws which devalue what a father and a mother in combination can do to create and mold a new generation of children and Americans.

Improve the lives of children and strengthen society by protecting the child’s right to the love and care of both parents after separation or divorce. We seek better lives for children through family court reform!!

Why are you denied contact - 2015

Dear _____,

Thank you for your interest in my service.

In January 2015, I decided I was no longer going to provide court involved service. This includes custody/access assessments.

I have long since learned that court involvement to resolve these matters typically results in an escalation of parental conflict, which in turn is toxic to the well being of children. Further and whereas in the past, this service did prompt some parents to resolve their issues, in more recent years, it seems that as one parent is dissatisfied, it only serves as the stepping stone to the next round of conflict. In other words, court involvement and those services directed for court use are contributory to the very parental conflict from which parents seek relief.

Since January 2015, I have retooled my services towards only peacekeeping.

I do provide a suite of services that are directed to helping separated parents resolve their issues outside of the court arena.

If I may be helpful with any of those services, it would be my pleasure to do so.

Here you will find a listing of my settlement services with complete explanations of each;
http://www.yoursocialworker.com/contact.htm

Parents are so convinced that custody/access assessments and court are going to save the day and provide a good outcome.

It only seems that that approach contributes the the agony experienced by all.

Parents, please reconsider. Please also know that at any time during the litigation process, you can always withdraw and redirect to peacekeeping services such as mediation, collaborative law or any of my other creative services.

In the end, parents want and need parenting agreements that are most likely to be followed and are durable. Agreements determined between the parents themselves are most likely to provide for that and that is what I strive to provide.

Think twice about that custody/access assessment. I did.

I am Gary Direnfeld and I am a social worker.

https://garydirenfeld.files.wordpress.com/2013/07/gary-feb-12.jpg?w=200&h=301

Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW

gary@yoursocialworker.com
http://www.yoursocialworker.com

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Gary Direnfeld is a social worker. Courts in Ontario, Canada, consider him an expert in social work, marital and family therapy, child development, parent-child relations and custody and access matters. Gary is the host of the TV reality show, Newlywed, Nearly Dead, parenting columnist for the Hamilton Spectator and author of Marriage Rescue: Overcoming the ten deadly sins in failing relationships. Gary maintains a private practice in Dundas Ontario, providing a range of services for people in distress. He speaks at conferences and workshops throughout North America.

If your relationship is faltering, then set it as your priority.

Read: Marriage Rescue: Overcoming ten deadly sins in failing relationships.

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Gary Direnfeld

I continue to decline referrals for child custody/access assessments with court involved separated parents as I have since January 2015.

So far I have turned away about $30,000.00 worth of work. I think that speaks to my commitment to peacekeeping settlement services such as mediation and collaborative law.

As can be imagined, for the first part of the year I saw quite a reduction in my revenues, but then something great started to happen. Those early referrals for assessments were coming back as requests for mediation and I was receiving more referrals for my other creative settlement services. Now my revenues are about the same as they were last year at this time.

Today I received yet another email request for information about a child custody/access assessment. Here was my reply:

Dear _____,

Thank you for your interest in my service.

In January 2015, I decided I was no…

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