Denial of reasonable access to your own kids is child abuse

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Child Abuse and the Role of Parental Denial

I recently had the opportunity of revisiting a question that I have struggled to find answers to for many years. The question is, why, in the face of a parent sexually, physically or verbally abusing a child, does the other parent remain silent?

Do NOT hurt Zoraya - Facebook.comStandupforZoraya - 2016This is a phenomenon I have been aware of in countless numbers of cases reported to me by patients who are now adult and clearly recall not only the abuse but the fact that the other parent offered no safety.

The question others have asked me and that I ask myself is, how or why would a parent remain silent in the face of children being abused. Here a few hypotheses.

1. Denial is a powerful and primitive defense mechanism. Someone who is dependent, frightened and themselves the victim of abuse, can remain silent and not even see or hear the abuse in order to maintain the desperately needed relationship with the abuser. In a way, it is a variation of the old saying, “Hear no evil, see no evil.” Well, people do hear it and see it and fail to act.PAS Monkeys - 2016

32d7c-denying2ba2bchild2bto2ba2bparent2bis2bevil2b-2b20162. Both abuser and spouse can be mentally ill people who collude out of mutually shared sadism. In others words, there are a few people who can get a sense of pleasure out of treating children abusively.

3. Over the years, I have known a few cases in which the wife has such a deep need to avoid sexual relations that they prefer their husband engage in Oedipal relations with a daughter. This is usually unconscious with full denial in operation.

4. Chronic and severe drug and alcohol abuse loosen inhibitions that otherwise sober and sensible people do things that would shock them if they were not under the influence of certain types of drugs.

5. There are parents who, having been raised in strict and abusive environments, then repeat the pattern once they are parents. Saddest thing in the world - 2016The vicious cycle of abuse is probably the major cause of domestic violence in the United States.

One of the distressing and utterly frustrating and despairing things that survivors of abuse discover as adults, is that their parents deny that anything ever happened.

Patients have reported to me that parents, when confronted by their adult child with the abuse they committed, tell their son or daughter that their memory is wrong.

It is natural to ask why an adult would now confront their parents about abusive acts that happened during childhood? Apparently, the answer is that these survivors are seeking an apology and an affirmative statement admitting their wrong doing. This is what makes the discussion so filled with despair for so many survivors.

Society Do Nothing - 2016.pngThe despair results not simply by the refusal of an apology, but the complete denial that anything happened. This is further exacerbated by the fact that neighbors and friends of the parents think them very “nice people” who would never do such a despicable thing as abuse a child.

When Joan Crawford’s daughter published the story of her childhood, a story that depicted Crawford’s cruel and outlandish acts of abuse, there was a public outcry that this never could have happened. Later, the outcry vanished when the truth and accuracy of the story emerged for the public to see.

Judicial Bias and Absolute Discretion in Family Courts

#StandupforZoraya #SayHerName, Blogs Followed, Family Court Insanity, Fathers' Rights, PAS is Child Abuse, Petitions, Presidential Election

Family Law Lawyers and Judges are violating our most cherished human rights.Florida Parental Rights

Too often in the family justice system, and elsewhere, we see judges applying their discretion to tailor the law, not to suit the parties that come before it, but to exorcise personal frustrations. Judges sometimes forget they are there to serve. But they should be reminded.Stop Absolute Discretion and Immunity of Family Court Judges - Causes 2015

“Open Letter to Barack Obama”

Judges are considered to be cornerstones of society, upholding the most decent and free-thinking modes of thought, the most sophisticated thinkers, a little like modern-day philosophers. But all too often, they are simply just time-short, temper-short and short on perspective. And most importantly perhaps, judges who seek to change the way society functions on a political level are blurring the lines between the judiciary and the executive. And that too, creates conflict of interest and can have devastating consequences for justice.

So, how do we change that? How can we manage the necessary boundaries and make sure our judges function professionally?

One suggestion might be to have an organisation that reviews and monitors each judge’s cases – not all of them, but perhaps just one case a year, so that fairness can be monitored and quality assurance verified. And if a party complains about their case, there should be a proper complaints procedure in place, to allow for a proper investigation.

It might also be useful to have a directory of judges and their views on things like heterosexual marriage, divorce, child welfare and more, biographies about each judge, their financial interests and which groups and organisations they belong to. Transparency would be achieved in this way and it would go some way to help restore trust and confidence inside a system which is sorely lacking it.

Yes, judicial bias is always going to exist: but it can be managed and justice can prevail.

Media Attention to Family Law Reform - Lrg Pic2 - 2015

Children, Families and Society as a whole are being undermined by the effects Family Law Courts, Child Protection

This episode provides the rare privilege of hearing from an outspoken retired family court judge from Alberta who spent 22 years resolving all kinds of parental disputes. We will have a frank and candid discussion and I have invited him to unleash his most forthright insights into the family justice system. He will also tell us why he left the court in 1997 to pursue what he believes is a much healthier and effective way to help parents resolve their conflicts.

Causes - Stnad Up for Zoraya - Lrg Pic - 2015A View from the Bench
Victimized by Family Court - Judge Soto Miami Florida - 2015

Difficulties in the Family Courtroom

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custody players 2015

Individuals with either of these syndromes may be willing and able to lie in court in a fully convincing way.Stop Emotional Child Abuse Parental Alienation - 2015 Sometimes, their manipulative skills are so well developed that they are able to influence others to provide false testimony against the victimized parent.

They may run circles around opposing counsel. When accused of visitation interference, they often have what appear to be wonderful explanations for their behavior; some may even be accurate. For example: “I offered many times for him to see his daughter but he just doesn’t cooperate; every time he comes to pick up Billy, Billy cries and refuses to go: he never follows the schedule, your honor, no matter how hard I try. …”

What typically is left out of such testimony is the fact that the interfering parent is either lying or has manipulated the child or the situation to give a false impression that he or she is innocent of the charges.

Disparities in State Family Courts

If the interfering parent continues to violate successfully the visitation regulations, over time the victimized parent often becomes so emotionally and financially depleted that the case fades from the court’s purview. Unfortunately, outside of the courtroom, the visitation interference continues, often with increased strength.

Treat him as a human being and remember he’s not invulnerable. Men can run out of juice too.

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You won't let me be with Zoraya - 2015www.facebook.com/AmericanFathers 

HOW TO TREAT HIM AS A HUMAN BEING

  1. Don’t be passive aggressive. Everybody hates that.

  2. Don’t be a drama queen. Everybody hates that too.

  3. Don’t nag him. Do you see a pattern?

  4. Don’t play the victim card all the time. Take responsibility for your actions.

  5. Have his back. He trusts you.
    If you stab him in the back, he won’t see it coming. This will break him.

  6. Show him how much you value him. Bake him a cake. Even something small and practical goes a long way (like a sandwich).

  7. Don’t be jealous and possessive. You don’t own him.

  8. Don’t spy on him. His communication devices are private, just like your own.

  9. Don’t send mixed signals. Yes means yes, no means no. How hard can it be?

  10. Don’t keep talking about things he doesn’t care about. Did you know that he doesn’t care about curtains?

  11. Be a teammate, not a burden. You need to bring value to the relationship.

  12. Don’t waste money. Stop buying shoes already!

  13. If something is bothering you, say it. Be direct. He’s no clairvoyant. And neither are you, by the way.

  14. Don’t ask him unanswerable questions, such as “Do I look fat in this?” You know there is no right answer.

  15. If you made a mistake, come clean right away and start working on fixing the damage you’ve done. Unless it’s tech-related, then stay as far away from it as possible.

  16. Let him be. He needs time for himself, time with his friends, time to stay quiet, time away from you.

  17. If you’re a stay at home mom, like I am, take good care of him, yourself and your children. That’s your job.

  18. Remember he’s not invulnerable. Men can run out of juice too. Be prepared to lead, provide guidance, protection, or support, as necessary.

  19. Remember his value is not directly proportional to how useful he is to you. He is his own person.

  20. Don’t make plans on his behalf, or without his input. There is no I in team.father_0

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And this comes as some surprise?  They can’t keep it in stock!

Courtesy of the:   The United States Family Judicial System! … See MoreDo not re-elect bad family court judges - 2016

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American society has become anti-male. Men are sensing the backlash and are consciously and unconsciously going on strike.” They are dropping out of college,… WWW.AMAZON.COM

Actor Jason Patric potential alteration Child Custody Trial
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Change, applying to one’s life the wisdom and philosophy found everywhere.

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Change, the double-edged sword that’s worth mastering

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Eea981-gandhichangexcerpt:

The first thing I did when I doubted myself and my decision to take a new job and move to a new city was talk to people who know and care about me — my wife, family and friends.

They helped, but I also needed an expert on my career, so I reached out to my old boss. He met me at a diner after work and gave me so much good advice that I wrote it down and referred to it often in those early weeks.

Fortune favors the bold

Simply thinking about past challenges in which you came out on top — or at the very least unscathed — is a reminder that you will do so this time as well. There’s also that old linguistic chestnut that the Chinese word for “crises” is also “opportunity.” (It’s true, by the way.) Sometimes our greatest difficulties become our greatest moments of triumph.

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Advocates Build Network

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The Love and Iron Project

So, I’m happy to report that one of our posts (the one pinned to the top of our page) got trolled again. I love this, because it means we’re being effective.

So, in order to make the point, I presume, that the position of this page and its followers is invalid, she cites an opinion piece (linked below) by Huffington Post Feminist “Divorce Coach”, Cathy W. Meyer; “Do Dads Really Get Dissed In Divorce Court?”

Please note the following quote taken directly from the website of Ms. Myers:

“I think the female spirit is the most beautiful, complex thing God has ever created. I believe that we can do anything we put our minds too. If you don’t believe me, watch Man on Wire.”

Ok, I think helps lend some perspective on where this piece is starting from.

So, let’s look at the arguments:

Now in her piece, the…

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