Fatherless Day Rallies In Every State and Across The Globe!!

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All Events Fathers Day - 2016It is all too common for children, especially adolescents, to become isolated from their divorced parents. Sometimes this isolation can take years to overcome. Children who continue to have a balanced relationship with both parents after a divorce typically cope better in the long run.

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Science of Dads.

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dad-with-kids

For decades, psychologists and other researchers assumed that the mother-child bond was the most important one in a kid’s life. They focused on studying those relationships, and however a child turned out, mom often got the credit — or blame.
Within the last several decades, though, scientists are increasingly realizing just how much dads matter. Just like women, fathers’ bodies respond to parenthood, and their parenting style affects their kids just as much, and sometimes more, than mom’s.cdf43-dove-for-dads
“We’re now finding that not only are fathers influential, sometimes they have more influence on kids’ development than moms,” said Ronald Rohner, the director of the Center for the Study of Interpersonal Acceptance and Rejection at the University of Connecticut.
Feeling dad’s love
Rohner and his colleagues recently reviewed decades of studies on parental acceptance and rejection across the globe. Unsurprisingly, parents have a major effect on their kids. When kids feel rejected or unloved by mom and dad, they’re more likely to become hostile, aggressive and emotionally unstable. Parental rejection also can lead to low self-esteem, feelings of inadequacy and negative worldviews.
This is true for both parents, Rohner told LiveScience. But in some cases, dad is a more important factor than mom. [History’s 12 Most Doting Dads]Father comfort - 2016
Behavior problems, delinquency, depression, substance abuse and overall psychological adjustment are all more closely linked to dad’s rejection than mom’s, Rohner said.
By the same token, dad’s love is sometimes a stronger influence for children than mom’s, the researchers found.
“Knowing that kids feel loved by their father is a better predictor of young adults’ sense of well-being, of happiness, of life satisfaction than knowing about the extent to which they feel loved by their mothers,” Rohner said. He and his colleagues detailed their findings in May in the journal Personality and Social Psychology Review.
Influence and persistence
The research looked only at male father figures, so while the dad in question doesn’t have to be biological, the results don’t apply to absentee fathers. Rohner and his colleagues aren’t certain why fathers sometimes outshine moms in their kids’ development. In every family, Rohner said, there is a member with more influence and prestige — the person who might set the weekend plans, for example. In families where dad is that person, his actions might make the greatest impression on the children.
In those cases, “kids tend to pay more attention to what dad does and dad says than mom, and he’s going to have more influence,” Rohner said.
Dads may also be responsible for endowing their kids with “stick-with-it-ness” that serves them well in life. In a study of two-parent families published Friday (June 15) in the Journal of Early Adolescence, Brigham Young University researchers found that dad’s parenting style is more closely linked to whether teens will exhibit persistence than mom’s parenting. A persistent personality, in turn, was related to less delinquency and more engagement in school over time.
ec62a-fathersThe magic fathering style that was linked to such persistence in kids is called authoritative parenting, a style characterized by warmth and love, accountability to the rules (but explanations of why those rules exist), and age-appropriate autonomy for kids, the researchers found.
“Our study suggests fathers who are most effective are those who listen to their children, have a close relationship, set appropriate rules, but also grant appropriate freedoms,” study researcher Laura Padilla-Walker told LiveScience.
It’s not clear why dads might be more important than moms in teaching perseverance, but it’s possible that fathers simply focus on this trait more, while moms teach traits like gratitude and kindness, Padilla-Walker said. [5 Ways to Foster Self-Compassion in Your Child]
Being a good dad
Fortunately for dads, biology is there to back up good parenting. Hormonal studies have revealed that dads show increased levels of oxytocin during the first weeks of their babies’ lives. This hormone, sometimes called the “love hormone,” increases feelings of bonding among groups. Dads get oxytocin boosts by playing with their babies, according to a 2010 study published in the journal Biological Psychiatry.
Fatherhood also leads to declines in testosterone, the “macho” hormone associated with aggressive behavior, according to research published last year in the journal Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences. father_0This change is stronger the more involved a dad is with his baby’s care, suggesting that it may reduce a man’s risk-taking drive and encourage nurturing and domesticity. 
What’s most important, Padilla-Walker said, is that fathers realize they matter. Quality time is important, she said.
“That doesn’t mean going on fancy vacations, it can be playing ball in the backyard or watching a movie with your kids,” she said. “Whatever it is, just make yourself available and when you’re with your children, be with them.”

Source: The Science of Fatherhood: Why Dads Matter

Follow Stephanie Pappas on Twitter @sipappas or LiveScience @livescience. We’re also on Facebook Google+.Special Kind of Hell - 2016

Are you a dad looking for help?

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Learn this Powerful Approach to Effective Facilitation

Posted by Erik Vecere

I facilitated a 24/7 Dad® training for the Family Resource Center South Atlantic (FRCSA) last January in Raleigh, NC. When I returned a month later to deliver a second training on our InsideOut Dad® program, I was amazed at how proficient they had become facilitating 24/7 Dad® in only a few weeks!

Can Trump End Family Court Corruption?

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Dr. Koziol and entire team at Leon Koziol.com attend

Stop Family Court Corruption3 - 2016Trump rally in Albany, New York. Our report of court corruption and reform was hand delivered to campaign staff

FRM Election pic3 2016

By Dr. Leon R. Koziol

Is there any one out there who will take solid steps to end the abuse of parents in America’s divorce and family courts?

Among the presidential candidates we all know the answer, and that’s Donald Trump.

speaking at CPAC in Washington D.C. on Februar...

speaking at CPAC in Washington D.C. on February 10, 2011. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Numerous elections have come and gone over the past fifty years and yet here we are still warring over our children in these barbaric tribunals that enrich lawyers at the expense of our children.

How many parents can truly say they got a fair shake in these courts?

While the scandals, bribes and misconduct become exposed, the corruption is only escalating. And most of it is overlooked unlike other branches of government.75aa1-youtube2bchannel2bart2b-2b2015

It’s up to us to reform this system, to replace mandatory custody awards with a shared parenting framework, to rein in over-billing lawyers who profit from needless orchestrated court battles, and take back our courts.

EX-WIVES WHO BECOME PARENTAL ALIENATORS

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Do NOT hurt Zoraya - Facebook.comStandupforZoraya - 2016

WHEN EX-WIVES BECOME ALIENATORS

Guilty until Proven Innocent!

After reading the list, don’t get discouraged when you notice that some of your own behaviors have been alienating your ex-spouse. This is normal in even the best of parents. Instead, let the list help sensitize you to how you are behaving and what you are saying to your children. Here are common mistakes:

To prevent the devastating effects of Parental Alienation, you must begin by recognizing the symptoms of PA. You will notice that many of the symptoms or behaviors focus on the parent. When the child exhibits hatred and vilifies the targeted parent, then the condition becomes parental alienation syndrome. After reading the list, don’t get discouraged when you notice that some of your own behaviors have been alienating. This is normal in even the best of parents. Instead, let the list help sensitize you to how you are behaving and what you are saying to your children.

1. Giving children choices when they really have no choice about visits. Allowing the child to decide for themselves to visit when the court order says there is no choice sets up the child for conflict. The child will usually blame the non-residential parent for not being able to decide to choose whether or not to visit. The parent is now victimized regardless of what happens; not being able to see his children or if they see them, the children are angry. Again, if you do these things intentionally, it make give you a chuckle now knowing you are hurting your ex, but you are truly hurting your child who eventually grows up, learns how things work and turns their back on YOU in turn. In literally 90% of these cases, the parent who causes the problem ends up with the short stick.

2. Telling the child what you want them to think is “everything” about the marital relationship or ‘all’ reasons for the divorce is also alienating behavior. The parent usually argues that they are “just wanting to be honest” with their children. This practice is destructive and painful for the child. The alienating parent’s motive is for the child to think less of the other parent. In reality, the child always looks up to a parent. If that parent lets them down in person, then that parent suffers. If you are doing these things, you are in person and it is a let down. You will suffer eventually for these actions.

3. Refusing to acknowledge that children have property and may want to transport their possessions between residences. Doesn’t matter who bought who what. Once it is given to someone, it is theirs.

4. Resisting or refusing to cooperate by not allowing the other parent access to school or medical records and schedules of extracurricular activities. Telling professionals not to let the other parent have access is going to work against you. These professionals know what you are doing. They may humor you but they know the law. It is not yours to rewrite. So ‘behind’ your back, they will grant legally to the other parent whatever it is they need. Also note, if the opposing parent were so evil you felt they do not deserve access, why are they allowed to walk the street? It will backfire in a big way in time.

5. A parent blaming the other parent for financial problems, breaking up the family, changes in lifestyle, or having a girlfriend/boyfriend, etc. Just like when you hear someone else tell the same tale, the child may not know it yet, but in time, just like when you heard it, they will know you are an excuse maker.

6. Refusing to be flexible with the visitation schedule in order to respond to the child’s needs or other parent’s work schedule. The alienating parent may also schedule the children is so many activities that the other parent is never given the time to visits. Of course we all know you do this so when the targeted parent protests you can described them as not caring and selfish. However, the child will eventually wise up that the complaining parent only wants to see them and you were the one conflicting the schedule.

7. Assuming that if a parent had been physically abusive with the other parent, it follows that the parent will eventually assault the child. This assumption is not always true. Sometimes you cause the other parent to dislike you and become abusive. Pretending this is not true does not change the facts.

8. Asking the child to choose one parent over another parent causes the child considerable distress. If you try to sneak in “Well, which of us would you rather be with?” you are looking for trouble. Typically, they do not want to reject either parent, but instead want to avoid the issue. The child, not the parent, should initiate any suggestion for change of residence.

9. Children will always at one time or another become angry with a parent. This is normal, particularly if the parent disciplines or has to say “no”. If for any reason the anger is not allowed to heal, you can suspect parental alienation. Trust your own experience as a parent. Children will forgive and want to be forgiven if given a chance. Be very suspicious when the child calmly says they cannot remember any happy times with you or say anything they like about you. That means someone at home is brainwashing them.

10. Be suspicious when a parent or step-parent raises the question about changing the child’s name. A mother can change her name back to maiden but in the majority of cases where the child is denied the father’s last name, the amount of further alienation is immeasurable. There is no other means that compares to show what is to come if a mother changes or denies the father’s name. It will not get better.

11. When children cannot give reasons for being angry towards a parent or their reasons are very vague without any details. This is because the alienated parent has done nothing to them. The child becomes confused but eventually realizes, it was all brain washing.

12. A parent having secrets, special signals, a private rendezvous, or words with special meanings are very destructive and reinforce an on-going alienation. Act your age before the child out grows you.

13. When a parent uses a child to spy or covertly gather information for the parent’s own use, the child receives a damaging message that demeans the victimized parent. Try this with a teenager and they may just switch homes on you.

14. Parents setting up temptations that interfere with the child’s visitation. Planning vacations or special events or trips to the mall to buy something they always wanted. Making the child late is another common mistake. As a full time parent, you can easily schedule things around the visiting parent. Learn to do so.

15. A parent suggesting or reacting with hurt or sadness to their child having a good time with the other parent will cause the child to withdraw and not communicate. They will frequently feel guilty or conflicted not knowing that it’s “okay” to admit they have fun with their other parent. Just as different breeds of dogs cannot mate, they still get along and realize it’s OK to be different. The faster you do this, the easier the rest of your life will become.

16. The parent asking the child about his/her other parent’s personal life causes the child considerable tension and conflict. Children who are not alienated want to be loyal to both parents. They also do not think of their parents in this light. Putting them there will push them away from you.

17. When parents pretend physically or psychologically rescue the children when there is no threat to their safety. This practice reinforces in the child’s mind the illusion of threat or danger, thereby reinforcing alienation until the child realizes the only fear is that of when you will pull this act again. You will scare them into leaving you.

18. Making demands on the other parent that is contrary to court orders. You are not the law and eventually the law will find out and the law will enforce itself, correct you and cause such embarrassment, it may cost you custody.

19. Listening in on the children’s phone conversation they are having with the other parent. They do not want you listening in when they speak to their friends and you do not. So do you not think they will find it bizarre if you suddenly insist on listening in on this particular conversation?

20. One way to cause your own alienation is making a habit of breaking promises to your children. Especially if they are promises that deter the child from giving affection or time to the other parent. In time, your ex-spouse will get tired of having to make excuses for you and the child will leave the truth.

You may think you know better or are more clever than those who have tried this before you, but trust us, you do not know better nor realize what you are doing.  Don’t believe it? Someone else agrees…..

Inequality Ignored, Does it matter?

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Ignoring an Inequality Culprit: Single-Parent Families

project2bfatherhood2bfl2b-2b2015Intellectuals fretting about income disparity are oddly silent regarding the decline of the two-parent family.

An excerpt from this article:

Suppose a scientific conference on cancer prevention never addressed smoking, on the grounds that in a free society you can’t change private behavior, and anyway, maybe the statistical relationships between smoking and cancer are really caused by some other third variable. Wouldn’t some suspect that the scientists who raised these claims were driven by something—ideology, tobacco money—other than science?

Yet in the current discussions about increased inequality, few researchers, fewer reporters, and no one in the executive branch of government directly addresses what seems to be the strongest statistical correlate of inequality in the United States: the rise of single-parent families during the past half century.

The two-parent family has declined rapidly in recent decades. In 1960, more than 76% of African-Americans and nearly 97% of whites were born to married couples. Today the percentage is 30% for blacks and 70% for whites. The out-of-wedlock birthrate for Hispanics surpassed 50% in 2006. This trend, coupled with high divorce rates, means that roughly 25% of American children now live in single-parent homes, twice the percentage in Europe (12%). Roughly a third of American children live apart from their fathers.

Does it matter? Yes, it does. From economist Susan Mayer’s 1997 book “What Money Can’t Buy” to Charles Murray’s “Coming Apart” in 2012, clear-eyed studies of the modern family affirm the conventional wisdom that two parents work better than one.

“Americans have always thought that growing up with only one parent is bad for children,” Ms. Mayer wrote. “The rapid spread of single-parent families over the past generation does not seem to have altered this consensus much.”

In an essay for the Institute for Family Studies last December, called “Even for Rich Kids, Marriage Matters,” University of Virginia sociologist W. Bradford Wilcox reported that children in high-income households who experienced family breakups don’t fare as well emotionally, psychologically, educationally or, in the end, economically as their two-parent-family peers.

Abuse, behavioral problems and psychological issues of all kinds, such as developmental behavior problems or concentration issues, are less common for children of married couples than for cohabiting or single parents, according to a 2003 Centers for Disease Control study of children’s health. The causal pathways are about as clear as those from smoking to cancer.ab432-miami2bdemo91

More than 20% of children in single-parent families live in poverty long-term, compared with 2% of those raised in two-parent families, according to education-policy analyst Mitch Pearlstein’s 2011 book “From Family Collapse to America’s Decline.” The poverty rate would be 25% lower if today’s family structure resembled that of 1970, according to the 2009 report “Creating an Opportunity Society” from Brookings Institution analysts Ron Haskins and Isabel Sawhill. A 2006 article in the journal Demography by Penn State sociologist Molly Martin estimates that 41% of the economic inequality created between 1976-2000 was the result of changed family structure.

Earlier this year, a team of researchers led by Harvard economist Raj Chetty reported that communities with a high percentage of single-parent families are less likely to experience upward mobility. The researchers’ report—”Where Is the Land of Opportunity?”—received considerable media attention. Yet mainstream news outlets tended to ignore the study’s message about family structure, focusing instead on variables with far less statistical impact, such as residential segregation.

In the past four years, our two academic professional organizations—the American Political Science Association and the American Educational Research Association—have each dedicated annual meetings to inequality, with numerous papers and speeches denouncing free markets, the decline of unions, and “neoliberalism” generally as exacerbating economic inequality. Yet our searches of the groups’ conference websites fail to turn up a single paper or panel addressing the effects of family change on inequality.

Why isn’t this matter at the center of policy discussions?

Family Law Reform - 2016

Hold Family Courts Accountable

#StandupforZoraya #SayHerName, Blogs Followed, Family Court Insanity, Fathers' Rights, PAS is Child Abuse, Petitions, Presidential Election

…is a psychic injury, not a mental illness.

DR KAREN HUFFNER - AUTHOR - LEGAL ABUSE SYNDROMELegal Abuse Syndrome (LAS), a condition proposed by marriage and family therapist Karin P. Huffer, whose books on the subject of post-traumatic stress stemming from court-mediated violations are   Overcoming the Devastation of Legal Abuse Syndrome(1995) and Legal Abuse Syndrome: 8 Steps for Avoiding the Traumatic Stress Caused by the Justice System(2013).

“Develops in individuals assaulted by ethical violations, legal abuses, betrayals, and fraud” and that’s exacerbated by “abuse of power and authority and a profound lack of accountability in our courts.” ~  Karin P. Huffer

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Never doubt why so many are working so hard to ‪#‎fixfamilycourts‬ Every parent starts out equal but does not remain that way in the So-called family courts.

Once you enter that court you feel nothing but attacked. Your life and decisions are no longer your own. Your children are stripped from the life you thought you were protected to live. People in the family court process step in between you and your child regardless of whether you are for or not.

Some like Chris are left with no hope of ever recovering. What do you do when the court you thought would protect you and your child from vicious attacks on your fundamental rights fails you? Where do you turn when you cannot afford justice and when there is no hope for it?

Let’s make 2016 the year of ‪#‎noexcuses‬ and restore justice and protection in every parent and child’s life. Let’s make 2016 the year of no more lost lives and ‪#‎fizfamilycourts‬ once and for all! ‪#‎neverfear‬‪#‎neverforget‬When a Parent wins in Family Courts KIDS LOSE - 2016

Thomas Fidler  —  December 29, 2015 at 10:36pm · Funny River, AK · 

Exactly two years ago today Chris Mackney took his own life after enduring the horrors of family court as long as he was able.  The ex-wife (Dina Mackney) of Ch… See More29948-torture

Bullied to Death:  Chris Mackney’s Kafkaesque Divorce There is no one way or no best way to tell the story of a man driven by others to…Read More

How Do You Tell This Story?

There is no one way or no best way to tell the story of a man driven by others to take his life. I know, because I have been trying to explain to state leaders, media, and professionals how this is happening to good people who trust our legal system to work to protect them and their children. Challenging doesn’t even touch it. Author Mike Volpe…Read More

Where is the LOVE? …where on Earth.. ….not in Family Court or the hearts of those within the CPS, CYFS, SS. CAS or any other child…Read More

Gary Treistman explains how the Family Court System separated his daughter from him.

Listen to the TRUTH about Family Courts

“The Smoking Gun” …Read More

76. Father’s Open Letter To The Family Courts.

Owen Lucas films his open letter to the court admitting that he is in contempt of court for doing so.

He tells us of his grief and impotence in the face of the family court system.

Owen speaks for so many fathers who find themselves in the palm of ex-partners colluding with a system that in many cases, strips fathers of their homes, their children and their dignity – and often their jobs and financial stability too.

Mothers are given legal aid and fathers are not unless there is already proven child abuse.

In cases where abuse is suspected or even confirmed, a father has no clout to impact the family court system in many cases.

NB. If you know a child is being abused, ensure that a. you take photographs b. you film them speaking of the events and c. you inform the police without delay. These three steps may well be the difference between whether you become alienated from, or the main caregiver to your child/children.

Open Letter to Family Courts  —   YOUTUBE.COM

You are Disgusting - 2016.png

Stand Up For Zoraya

stand up for zoraya causes pic - 2015

The Cause “Stand Up For Zoraya” celebrates the love fathers have for their daughters, inspiring them to embrace the important role they hold in their daughters’ lives and to provide the love, nurture, and emotional support that only they can give. Every once in a while I feel like this blog was written by someone else, maybe a long lost friend,…Read More10943-logo2b2-2b2016

Yesterday I gazed out the window watching fireworks and was really missing my angel but I cannot call her because I am scared of her mom’s false allegations and lies, she doesn’t call me and knowing she is…Read More

WLYB……I have tried to educate this board of 4 Florida Judges (Chief Judge Bertila Soto-11th Jud. Cir. FL, Judge Garber-3rd DCA FL,…Read More

 · Courts must work toward a shared parenting norm – Miami Herald  

Judge Judy on Timesharing - 2016

While it is true our family courts must do more to move toward shared parenting whenever there is a divorce or separation in a family, an old saying…

CHILDRENSRIGHTSFLORIDA.WORDPRESS.COM

Kids Need Fathers NOT Visitors - 2016Family Courts Deny Fit Parent Visitation – Custody

CONTACT DENIAL IS CHILD ABUSE - 2016

July 16, 2015 by Robert Franklin, Esq, Member, National Board of Directors, National Parents Organization This article isn’t new, but…Read More

Studies Show Judicial Bias Against Dads

I write about it because it’s too important not to. The subject is judicial bias in family courts. Now, we’re frequently told that there is no judicial bias on the part…

My opinion on the origin of mental illness is controversial to many in my profession. I maintain that emotional disturbances are…Read More

Preponderance of Evidence and Mental Health Disorders

If You Seek a Bio-chemical Cause for Mental Health Disorders, You will become the “Little Train that Couldn’t” By Linda J. Gottlieb, LMFT, LCSW-r My opinion on the origin of mental illness is controversial to many in my profession. I maintain that emotional disturbances are situationally and not bio-chemically caused. But this position did not…

Letter sent to David Inguanzo on December 24th, 2008. October 5th, 2008 – After spending a “family” day out (Mom, Dad, my son David, and…Read MoreStand up for Zoraya Causes Petition 2015.jpg

CONTACT DENIAL IS CHILD ABUSE - STAND UP FOR ZORAYA - 2016

Judge Manno-Schurr - 11th Jud Cir Miami FL - Family Court#StandupforZoraya

– October 5th, 2008 – feb-3-2015-4-hearing-judge-manno-schurr-miami-dade-county-fl-11th-jud-cir-family-court-judge1
ee2af-family2bcourt2bmafia

Judge Tears Down House of God

NBC 6 South Florida

Overtown church and neighboring crack house to be destroyed. ~ By Todd Wright | Email …

Judge Valerie Manno Schurr appointed Mark Meland as a receiver for a company after finding it in “default” for failing to turn over…Read More

South Florida Lawyers: Can Someone Explain This?

schurr-manno-valerie-jad-1Judge Valerie Manno Schurr appointed Mark Meland as a receiver for a company after finding it in “default” for failing to turn over financial records to South Florida power broker Chris Korge, who is represented by Kendall Coffey. Huh? Was the “default” a discovery sanction?  Did the Judge strike the defendant’s pleadings?  Is that what the…Read MoreCauses - STOP ABSOLUTE DISCRETION AND IMMUNITY OF FAMILY COURT JUDGES - 2015

“Anyone who has ever worked in a legal aid office or law library has met people whose lives have come unhinged after a bad contact with the…Read More

Family Court is Traumatic - 2016

Courthouse Violations and PTSD:My PTSD is NOT Military Related 2- 2016

What Is “Legal Abuse Syndrome”?Family Court causes PTSD - Copy

This is the first post on this blog to introduce Legal Abuse Syndrome (LAS), a condition proposed by marriage and family therapist Karin P. Huffer, whose books on the subject of post-traumatic stress stemming from court-mediated violations are Overcoming the Devastation of Legal Abuse Syndrome (1995) and Legal Abuse Syndrome: 8 Steps for Avoiding…Read MoreDouble Standards in Family Courts - 2016

Across the country women, children, AND MEN are becoming the victims of judges and the court system. It is time that we take a stand, and…Read MoreRigged Media - 2016

Re-abusing children in court |Stop Abuse Campaign

Judges re-abuse children worse than abusers

When someone hurts us and/or our children, our first reaction is to protect ourselves or to call the police.  We think that as victims that the authorities should be there to help us; that as innocent victims the police, and court system should there for the best interest of the…Read Morea3385-court2bordered2babuse

The death of Christopher Mackney and his suicide note

First Amendment Rights from Beyond the Grave: Defense of a Suicide’s Publication of His Final Words by the Randazza Legal Group.”

The circumstances that conduced to Mr. Mackney’s taking his life are chronicled in a forthcoming book by investigative journalist Michael Volpe, which is titled, Bullied to Death: The Chris Mackney Story.

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“It is a wise father that knows his own child.”

Blogs Followed, Family Court Insanity, Fathers' Rights, PAS is Child Abuse, Petitions, Presidential Election

William Shakespeare

Stop Fatherlessness - 2016The Fatherless Family – Focus on the Family

Dear Friends:

It may not be typical to begin a letter by quoting a famous English playwright, but I believe the above statement holds some relevance to the subject at hand. As we begin a new year, I’d like to spend a few minutes addressing the issue of fatherlessness, which has become an increasingly difficult problem in our culture. As many of you already know, Dr. Dobson has written for years about the importance of the traditional family and especially the critical role that fathers play in the lives of young children.

But just how widespread is this problem? Sadly, the answer to this question is discouraging. In fact, the United States leads the world in fatherless families,1 with roughly 24 million children (or 34 percent of all kids in the United States) living in homes where the father does not reside.2 Nearly 40 percent of children in father-absent homes have not seen their dad during the past year,3 and more than half of all fatherless children have never been in their dad’s home.4 The number of children being raised by single mothers has more than tripled between 1960 and 2000.5

As distressing as these figures are, they only tell part of the story. We must never forget that each of those 24 million “statistics” represents an impressionable, fragile child that has been denied the guidance, discipline and example that only a dad can provide. Perhaps I feel so passionately about this issue because I am one of those statistics! I’d like to help put a human face on this issue by taking a moment to discuss how my own life was impacted as a result of my relationship — or lack thereof — with my father.

Unfortunately, my dad’s alcoholism took a dramatic toll on our family. I still have vivid memories of the traumatic experiences that characterized my early years. I can remember hiding in my bedroom, with adrenaline coursing through my veins, while my dad, in a drunken rage, chased my mom around the house with a hammer. He never struck her directly, but the walls of our home were pock-marked with ugly, gaping hammer holes by the time the police arrived to intervene. Although rare, violent outbursts such as that one were almost too much for my young mind to handle.

 

My parents divorced when I was only 5 years old, and my father’s presence in my life diminished significantly. Mom remarried when I was 9, but our stepfather was no better a role model than my father had been. My mother passed away one year after getting remarried. When my siblings and I arrived back home after her funeral, we found our stepdad with his bags packed. He jumped into a cab with the five of us kids peering at him through the living room window. We never saw him again.

With our mother dead and our stepfather out of the picture and after one year in a foster home, my sister and I moved back in with our birthfather. Unfortunately, dad’s struggles with alcohol had not improved in the years since the divorce. I was 11 years old at this point, and actively involved in Little League in Southern California. Most kids in my position would have been thrilled to have their dad in the stands, cheering them on at a baseball game. However, much to my own embarrassment and humiliation, my father attended a game completely drunk. His offensive, belligerent behavior made it clear to everyone in attendance that he was intoxicated.

One year after we had moved back in with our father, my sister turned 18 and decided to strike out on her own. Since I was only 12, my siblings and other extended family members convened a “family conference” to determine whether or not I should stay with my dad. My older brother had offered to take me in if I so desired, and so the choice was ultimately mine to make. I’ll never forget the feeling of having all of my remaining family members — dad included — looking at me and awaiting my decision. I chose to live with my brother.

During the preceding year, my father had experienced four or five serious drunken episodes, including the aforementioned baseball game debacle. However, my decision to move in with my brother was not primarily the result of the pain and embarrassment that dad had caused me personally. In fact, when I stated my intention to move out during the family conference, my dad asked, “Why?” Without hesitation, I told him, “Because of what you did to Mom.” More than seven years after their divorce, the wounds associated with my dad’s drunken mistreatment of my mother were still fresh in my mind. And so, at only 12 years of age, I moved in with my older brother. A year later, my father died intoxicated and alone in a frozen abandoned building, the victim of exposure.

At this point, it’s very important for me to note that, despite the pain to which my father had subjected our family, I did not hate him. Quite the contrary, I had a childlike affection for my dad. During times of sobriety, he was a loving and gentle man who returned my affection. I believe that the Lord gives children a resilience enabling them to look up to their fathers and to love them even amidst the most difficult of circumstances. Throughout my childhood, I can remember times during which I felt genuine love and kindness from my father, although they were certainly offset by the anger and rage of his drunken episodes. It was difficult for my young mind to reconcile those conflicting emotions, and I know that there are millions of other children who have experienced similar feelings.

Dr. Bill Maier, vice president and child and family psychologist here at Focus on the Family, saw the devastating impact of fatherlessness firsthand during the years he worked at a community mental health clinic in Long Beach, Calif. I asked him to share a bit about that experience as I was preparing to write this letter, and this is what he said:

“Most of the children with whom I worked were low-income kids from single-parent homes. Many of these boys and girls had never met their fathers. Others had dads who were living on the street, involved in gangs, in prison or dead. The young boys, in particular, had an incredible hunger for male attention and affirmation. They cherished the one hour each week that I met with them for their individual counseling session. When I visited them at their public school, their eyes would light up and they would excitedly tell their friends, ‘That’s my COUNSELOR — he’s here to see ME!’ Often, their classmates (who were also fatherless) would gather around and ask, ‘Can you be my counselor, too?’ My heart broke for these children — aching for a man to simply talk to them and take an interest in their lives. Psychiatrist Kyle Pruett at Yale University calls this longing ‘Fatherneed,’ and it perfectly describes what millions of boys and girls in the U.S. experience every day of their lives.”

This “Fatherneed” is clearly what drives many fatherless kids (and remember, there are currently more than 24 million of them in the U.S. alone) to turn to sex, alcohol, crime and the other dangerous and deadly behaviors outlined in the statistics I quoted earlier. It is only by the grace of God that I was not swallowed up by these destructive forces. But make no mistake, the fact that I am currently president of a family ministry, rather than in prison, does not mean that I was not damaged by my father’s behavior. Our chaotic relationship certainly wounded my spirit, to the point that it is difficult to talk about even today. However, I learned at an early age, “that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him…” (Romans 8:28, NIV). 

 

At the same time, I pray that my story might offer hope to the many children who are currently growing up in fatherless homes, and that it will encourage the readers of this letter — particularly men — to take up the baton on their behalf. In the absence of a positive father figure, I credit several male mentors in my life with coming alongside me and helping to turn me from the path of self-destruction. My older brothers, of course, were a source of tremendous encouragement and strength during the years when our relationship with our dad was disintegrating. But I’m also thankful for several Christian football coaches who, during my high school years, served as positive male role models to me. Although I attended a public high school, these men came alongside me and modeled the love of Christ in a way that contributed significantly to my own emotional and spiritual development. I’m truly grateful that God introduced these wise and godly men into my life during a time of such critical need.

A discussion of this nature inevitably brings to my mind the heroic efforts of the many single parents in our midst who quietly and admirably lead their families. Theirs is a heavy burden. If you are a single mother or father, we applaud your devotion and unfailing commitment to your precious and beloved children. As with all of us, the Lord will sustain you regardless of circumstance, if you place your trust in Him.

What about you? Because we have already established that the problem of fatherlessness is so widespread, I would be very surprised if there isn’t a child — or two, or three, or four — perhaps outside your immediate family but within your own circle of influence who could use a positive male presence in his or her life. I hope you’ll prayerfully consider reaching out to these kids who don’t have someone that they can call “dad.” They might look happy and whole on the outside, but I can assure you — without a positive male mentor, a very significant piece of the puzzle is missing. Perhaps God is asking you to be that missing piece.

You might be thinking, “I don’t have the hours in my day or the expertise necessary to make that kind of commitment.” However, mentoring doesn’t always have to involve the huge investment of time and energy that you might think. You don’t have to go to college to obtain a four-year “mentoring degree” in order to make a positive impact on children around you! Ample opportunities exist to simply share what you know with fatherless kids, whether in church, or through nonprofit organizations such as the Boy Scouts, or through your own child’s school, and so on. Even investing an hour a week with a child — taking her out for ice cream with your family, helping him with his math homework, sharing Scripture and ultimately just loving him or her — can make a world of difference. It certainly did in my life.

 

In his book Bringing Up Boys, Dr. Dobson compiled a list of additional ideas for those who wish to invest themselves in the lives of children — and particularly males — who don’t have a father figure at home. I have included that excerpt below; perhaps it will provide you with some food for thought as you consider how you might become involved in this issue.

As a single mother, you must make an all-out effort to find a father-substitute for your boys. An uncle or a neighbor or a coach or a musical director or a Sunday-school teacher may do the trick. Placing your boy under the influence of such a man for even a single hour per week can make a great difference. Get them involved in Boy Scouts, Boy’s Club, soccer or Little League. Give your boys biographies, and take them to movies or rent videos that focus on strong masculine (but moral) heroes.6

It should be noted that, while the primary caregivers in 84 percent of single-parent homes are mothers,7 there is also a significant number of single fathers out there who are struggling to raise children on their own. If your family knows one of these hard-working dads, you might also want to think about how you could come alongside him and his children. Motherless daughters, in particular, could benefit greatly from the influence of a Christian family and a godly wife and mother.

Before closing, we should also remember the many children in the United States and around the world who are both “fatherless” and “motherless.” Now, more than ever, the privilege of adoption is something that Christians, in particular, need to consider. This is an especially important point during Sanctity of Human Life month in January, when we remember the millions of babies who have been lost through the tragedy of abortion. For an orphaned or abandoned child, being adopted into a loving, intact family can literally mean the difference between life and death. As followers of Christ, there can be no higher calling than for us to extend our hands to one of “the least of these” — the overlooked and marginalized in our society — and invite him or her into our home as a son or daughter. After all, in a very real sense, that is what God has done for each of us through His own Son, Jesus Christ.

 

For more information and resources on mentoring, adoption and single parenting, please visit Focus on the Family’s Web site at http://www.family.org or call us at (800) A-FAMILY (232-6459). Looking back on 2005 and ahead to 2006, we are grateful for your generous support. Your ongoing partnership allows us to help the number of families we hope to reach in the months to come.

More than anything, we covet your prayers as we endeavor not only to reach out to children from broken homes, but to strengthen marriages and families so that the crises and trials that lead to divorce and familial disintegration are averted in the first place! Please pray, too, for the millions of fatherless children discussed in this letter — and the many millions more all over the world — that desperately need someone to take an interest in them. We know from Scripture that, “The Lord your God … defends the cause of the fatherless and the widow” (Deuteronomy 10:17-18). Perhaps He wants to use you and your family as a means of fulfilling that promise!

On behalf of Dr. Dobson and everyone here at Focus, a happy new year to you and yours. May God’s richest blessings surround you in 2006.

Sincerely,

Jim Daly

President and CEO


1Alisa Burns and Cath Scott, Mother-Headed Families and Why They Have Increased (Hillsdale, NJ: Erlbaum and Associates, 1994), p. xiii.
2Wade F. Horn and Tom Sylvester, Father Facts, Fourth Editorion (Gaithersburn, Md.: National Fatherhood Initiative, 2002), p. 15.
3Horn and Sylvester, 2002, p. 15.
4Horn and Sylvester, 2002, p. 28.
5U.S. Census Bureau, Current Population Reports, P20-537, Table CH-5. Washington, D.C.: U.S. Census Bureau, 2001.
6James C. Dobson, Bringing Up Boys, Tyndale House Publishers [Wheaton, Ill.], 2001.
7U.S. Census Bureau, “Living Arrangements of Children Under 18 Years Old: 1960 to Present.”

Source: The Fatherless Family – Focus on the Family

What makes a purple heart beat?

#StandupforZoraya #SayHerName, Blogs Followed, Family Court Insanity, Fathers' Rights, PAS is Child Abuse, Petitions, Presidential Election

purple-keyboard-campaign-4family-justice-cover-2015Men’s stories as read by Stacy King 

Patriarchy Tales: What makes a purple heart beat?

Stacy King has been running an unusual experiment: since people frequently refuse to listen or take it seriously when men tell their own tales, what if a woman reads their words for them?

Purple Keyboard Campaign 4Family Justice Cover - 2015

You may want to subscribe to not just Stacy’s YouTube channel, but Terrence Popp’s as well.

Source: Patriarchy Tales: What makes a purple heart beat?

cropped-afla-causes-2-2015

The Purple Keyboard & World4Family Justice Reform : Cyber Protest Campaign in 2016!

Target 2016 to make as many e-mail, phone in and snail mail correspondence with the politicians as possible to see who puts Family Justice and Child Welfare at the top of their political agenda! So e-mail, write and call a radio call in TODAY! (See below)

USA – The-President-of-the-United-States

First Lady Michelle Obama
info@messages.whitehouse.gov

http://usgovinfo.about.com/od/uscongress/a/letterscongress.htm

http://www.senate.gov/general/contact_information/senators_cfm.cfm

http://www.foxnews.com/

http://www.nbcnews.com/

UK
http://www.number10.gov.uk/

https://email.number10.gov.uk/

http://www.number10.gov.uk/contact-us/

http://www.writetothem.com/?keyword=uk+mp&creativeid=605235399&gclid=CK-wzITA77QCFbMbtAodlGMAEg

http://www.lbc.co.uk/

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/england/london/

AUS
http://www.pm.gov.au/contact-your-pm

http://www.pm.gov.au/your-government

http://www.aph.gov.au/Senators_and_Members/Members

http://www.abc.net.au/news/

Canada
http://www.pm.gc.ca/eng/connect

http://www.justice.gc.ca/eng/fl-df/index.html

http://www.parl.gc.ca/MembersOfParliament/MainMPsCompleteList.aspx

http://www.cbc.ca/news

NZ
http://www.beehive.govt.nz/minister/John-Key

http://www.parliament.nz/en-NZ/AboutParl/GetInvolved/Contact/2/9/d/00PlibHvYrSayContact1-Contact-an-MP.htm

http://tvnz.co.nz/

THEY CAN ADD MY NAME ………………

The feminist themed website Socialautopsy.com is attempting to create what it calls a “database where we capture [people] exercising [their free speech]…
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A Year Without My Daughter Zoraya. Here’s to you Judge Valerie Manno-Schurr.

#StandupforZoraya #SayHerName, Family Court Insanity, Fathers' Rights, PAS is Child Abuse, Petitions, Presidential Election

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