Mental illness does not discriminate on the basis of gender, but The Good Men Project wants to explore how men specifically are affected by it. Are you a man with an up-close experience of mental illness, or close to one whose story you want to share? If you think men are diagnosed or treated differently […]
Fatherlessness: What Are Republicans Doing About It? | The Daily Caller
Politicians prefer to define problems in a way that makes them fixable, especially if “We the People” granted politicians more power. While they try to look busy with the easy, fixable problems, they ignore problems — perhaps the real problems — that are hard to solve.
Thus, they often seem more concerned with looking like they are fixing things so they can preserve their own position than actually taking on meaningful reform.
This dynamic is responsible for much of the population’s anger and frustration with the establishment that flows freely this election cycle, and fatherlessness is an exceptional example.
“…fatherlessness is a root cause of so many of society’s ills from crime to income inequality to public budgets.”
Yet the issue does not catch fire with Republicans even as fatherlessness grows.
Part of this is cultural. For example, societal norms have seen a rise in “unformed families,” and cohabitation arrangements are less stable than marital ones. Such cultural problems require cultural fixes, which require long term strategies outside of politics.
However, once a child’s parents split, in the unformed families and in divorce, fatherless often results from court decree. This family law aspect of the problem has political solutions.
We the People might want solutions, but the establishment prefers the status quo.
The psychological effects of divorce on children may include depression and conduct disorders, notes Psychology Today. Breaking up a family leads to feelings of confusion, abandonment and separation anxiety due to children’s dependence on their parents for love, support and guidance while growing up.
Children’s psychological reaction to divorce varies a great deal, according to Psychology Today. Their reactions depend on the nature of their relationship with each parent, the intensity and length of their parents’ divorce, how much they see each parent after the divorce and their personality.
Boys and girls suffer equally if their parents go through a lengthy and messy divorce, explains PsychPage.
However, boys act out their frustration and anger. Girls are more likely to internalize their emotions, which can result in depression, physical discomfort or changes in their eating and sleeping habits.
When parents divorce, it is important to maintain routine and stability in their children’s lives, explains Psychology Today.
It is all too common for children, especially adolescents, to become isolated from their divorced parents. Sometimes this isolation can take years to overcome. Children who continue to have a balanced relationship with both parents after a divorce typically cope better in the long run.
WHEN EX-WIVES BECOME ALIENATORS
Guilty until Proven Innocent!
After reading the list, don’t get discouraged when you notice that some of your own behaviors have been alienating your ex-spouse. This is normal in even the best of parents. Instead, let the list help sensitize you to how you are behaving and what you are saying to your children. Here are common mistakes:
To prevent the devastating effects of Parental Alienation, you must begin by recognizing the symptoms of PA. You will notice that many of the symptoms or behaviors focus on the parent. When the child exhibits hatred and vilifies the targeted parent, then the condition becomes parental alienation syndrome. After reading the list, don’t get discouraged when you notice that some of your own behaviors have been alienating. This is normal in even the best of parents. Instead, let the list help sensitize you to how you are behaving and what you are saying to your children.
1. Giving children choices when they really have no choice about visits. Allowing the child to decide for themselves to visit when the court order says there is no choice sets up the child for conflict. The child will usually blame the non-residential parent for not being able to decide to choose whether or not to visit. The parent is now victimized regardless of what happens; not being able to see his children or if they see them, the children are angry. Again, if you do these things intentionally, it make give you a chuckle now knowing you are hurting your ex, but you are truly hurting your child who eventually grows up, learns how things work and turns their back on YOU in turn. In literally 90% of these cases, the parent who causes the problem ends up with the short stick.
2. Telling the child what you want them to think is “everything” about the marital relationship or ‘all’ reasons for the divorce is also alienating behavior. The parent usually argues that they are “just wanting to be honest” with their children. This practice is destructive and painful for the child. The alienating parent’s motive is for the child to think less of the other parent. In reality, the child always looks up to a parent. If that parent lets them down in person, then that parent suffers. If you are doing these things, you are in person and it is a let down. You will suffer eventually for these actions.
3. Refusing to acknowledge that children have property and may want to transport their possessions between residences. Doesn’t matter who bought who what. Once it is given to someone, it is theirs.
4. Resisting or refusing to cooperate by not allowing the other parent access to school or medical records and schedules of extracurricular activities. Telling professionals not to let the other parent have access is going to work against you. These professionals know what you are doing. They may humor you but they know the law. It is not yours to rewrite. So ‘behind’ your back, they will grant legally to the other parent whatever it is they need. Also note, if the opposing parent were so evil you felt they do not deserve access, why are they allowed to walk the street? It will backfire in a big way in time.
5. A parent blaming the other parent for financial problems, breaking up the family, changes in lifestyle, or having a girlfriend/boyfriend, etc. Just like when you hear someone else tell the same tale, the child may not know it yet, but in time, just like when you heard it, they will know you are an excuse maker.
6. Refusing to be flexible with the visitation schedule in order to respond to the child’s needs or other parent’s work schedule. The alienating parent may also schedule the children is so many activities that the other parent is never given the time to visits. Of course we all know you do this so when the targeted parent protests you can described them as not caring and selfish. However, the child will eventually wise up that the complaining parent only wants to see them and you were the one conflicting the schedule.
7. Assuming that if a parent had been physically abusive with the other parent, it follows that the parent will eventually assault the child. This assumption is not always true. Sometimes you cause the other parent to dislike you and become abusive. Pretending this is not true does not change the facts.
8. Asking the child to choose one parent over another parent causes the child considerable distress. If you try to sneak in “Well, which of us would you rather be with?” you are looking for trouble. Typically, they do not want to reject either parent, but instead want to avoid the issue. The child, not the parent, should initiate any suggestion for change of residence.
9. Children will always at one time or another become angry with a parent. This is normal, particularly if the parent disciplines or has to say “no”. If for any reason the anger is not allowed to heal, you can suspect parental alienation. Trust your own experience as a parent. Children will forgive and want to be forgiven if given a chance. Be very suspicious when the child calmly says they cannot remember any happy times with you or say anything they like about you. That means someone at home is brainwashing them.
10. Be suspicious when a parent or step-parent raises the question about changing the child’s name. A mother can change her name back to maiden but in the majority of cases where the child is denied the father’s last name, the amount of further alienation is immeasurable. There is no other means that compares to show what is to come if a mother changes or denies the father’s name. It will not get better.
11. When children cannot give reasons for being angry towards a parent or their reasons are very vague without any details. This is because the alienated parent has done nothing to them. The child becomes confused but eventually realizes, it was all brain washing.
12. A parent having secrets, special signals, a private rendezvous, or words with special meanings are very destructive and reinforce an on-going alienation. Act your age before the child out grows you.
13. When a parent uses a child to spy or covertly gather information for the parent’s own use, the child receives a damaging message that demeans the victimized parent. Try this with a teenager and they may just switch homes on you.
14. Parents setting up temptations that interfere with the child’s visitation. Planning vacations or special events or trips to the mall to buy something they always wanted. Making the child late is another common mistake. As a full time parent, you can easily schedule things around the visiting parent. Learn to do so.
15. A parent suggesting or reacting with hurt or sadness to their child having a good time with the other parent will cause the child to withdraw and not communicate. They will frequently feel guilty or conflicted not knowing that it’s “okay” to admit they have fun with their other parent. Just as different breeds of dogs cannot mate, they still get along and realize it’s OK to be different. The faster you do this, the easier the rest of your life will become.
16. The parent asking the child about his/her other parent’s personal life causes the child considerable tension and conflict. Children who are not alienated want to be loyal to both parents. They also do not think of their parents in this light. Putting them there will push them away from you.
17. When parents pretend physically or psychologically rescue the children when there is no threat to their safety. This practice reinforces in the child’s mind the illusion of threat or danger, thereby reinforcing alienation until the child realizes the only fear is that of when you will pull this act again. You will scare them into leaving you.
18. Making demands on the other parent that is contrary to court orders. You are not the law and eventually the law will find out and the law will enforce itself, correct you and cause such embarrassment, it may cost you custody.
19. Listening in on the children’s phone conversation they are having with the other parent. They do not want you listening in when they speak to their friends and you do not. So do you not think they will find it bizarre if you suddenly insist on listening in on this particular conversation?
20. One way to cause your own alienation is making a habit of breaking promises to your children. Especially if they are promises that deter the child from giving affection or time to the other parent. In time, your ex-spouse will get tired of having to make excuses for you and the child will leave the truth.
You may think you know better or are more clever than those who have tried this before you, but trust us, you do not know better nor realize what you are doing. Don’t believe it? Someone else agrees…..
Individuals with either of these syndromes may be willing and able to lie in court in a fully convincing way. Sometimes, their manipulative skills are so well developed that they are able to influence others to provide false testimony against the victimized parent.
They may run circles around opposing counsel. When accused of visitation interference, they often have what appear to be wonderful explanations for their behavior; some may even be accurate. For example: “I offered many times for him to see his daughter but he just doesn’t cooperate; every time he comes to pick up Billy, Billy cries and refuses to go: he never follows the schedule, your honor, no matter how hard I try. …”
What typically is left out of such testimony is the fact that the interfering parent is either lying or has manipulated the child or the situation to give a false impression that he or she is innocent of the charges.
Disparities in State Family Courts
If the interfering parent continues to violate successfully the visitation regulations, over time the victimized parent often becomes so emotionally and financially depleted that the case fades from the court’s purview. Unfortunately, outside of the courtroom, the visitation interference continues, often with increased strength.
Parental alienation is the enactment of power and control over a targeted parent through a child or children by an alienating parent. To that extent, it falls within the widely accepted definitions of domestic violence and abuse (i) which are enshrined in legislation and policy around the world. However, in our experience, whilst domestic violence and abuse may be recognized as an element of the relationship between parents in dispute over children matters, the professionals who advise the courts rarely, if ever, approach the case with an understanding that a child’s rejecting position may be the extension of a pattern of domestic abuse that has been present between the parents whilst the family was together.
The Bubbles of Love Annual Celebration focuses on the need to educate the world about parental alienation. Divorced parents must stop using their children as weapons of emotional war against their former spouses. It is not fair to the children or the other spouse.
Helping to bring awareness that by increasing the proportion of children growing up with involved, responsible, and committed fathers it will improve the well being of children.
Let no good deed go unpunished. With good intentions Judge Gorcyca acted in the best interest of children. Now that a judge has finally listened, we must stand and rally.
Pathogenic parenting is a child protection issue NOT a #childcustody issue. When addressing #PathogenicParenting, mistakes can and will be made attempting to do the right thing. Mistakes can be fixed. When it comes to a parent emotionally and psychologically abusing children through #ParentalAlienation and hostile aggressive parenting, “there is no right way to do the wrong thing.”
CL: If you are a parent that has to deal with lies that have been untested, interference by the custodial parent and a full campaign of hatred from your kids and the ex, you need to speak up on behalf of this judge.
We don’t just encourage you to read these posts, we encourage action. It is only by protecting the vulnerable judges who on occasion get it right and that do punish alienation can we send a message to the entire judicial bench that we are sick of it.
Please write on behalf of this judge showing she used her judicial independence to heal this family because of the toxic brainwashing of the mother. Her conduct might not sit well with the board but her decisions were in the best interests of the children to end the parental alienation and dispense of testimony that did not make sense from the brainwashed children.
MSC, CHIEF OF STAFF · Larry S. Royster · (517) 373-0120
MJTC · Phone: (313) 875-5110 · Fax: (313) 875-5154 · E-mail: email@example.com ·
The US Department of Justice is ready now to consider cases of chaos caused by State Child and Family courts. USDOJ is calling for child custody outlines in a format. The purpose of providing the outline is for the writer to simply and systematically give structured information regarding the problem case in question.
Following a march on Washington DC and a Congressional Briefing this Summer members of Congress heard and were concerned about the severity and frequency with which child custody issues are mishandled, to the point of injury to the child or protesting parent. http://www.examiner.com/…/justice-and-mercy-national-safe-c……
It is remarkable that BOTH events happened despite the sequester, AND that these actions generated interest and an invitation
Some cases are so problematic, as with the classic case illustrated in the October 2012 Documentary of Holly Collins, called “No Way Out But One”, that the parent is forced to flee the situation, due to deafness in authorities, investigators, systems system law and policy, court law and policy, and court systems. Succinctly, the definition of being run into the ground by such system based problems is called “Systems Induced Trauma.” Beyond victimization in a specific social or family situation, the family, one or all members are further agitated, abused or traumatized by the applied services and policies of systems that interlock without oversight, basically trapping the persons perpetuating a complaint without safety and resolutions.
The US Department of Justice wants timelines of these outrageous cases.
Concerned parents were elated this week when a much awaited segue for them to speak came forward as an invitation from the federal government, asking for clarifications on identified problems with child human rights in court, family rights in court and the lack of a uniform structure to respond to child sex abuse investigations, child abuse investigations and placement of children with a parent who is not known to them, has committed crimes against the other parent or is convicted of crimes that put the child at risk in their care.
Civil Rights Advocate Leon Koziol issues startling report to Justice Department for investigation and hearings on abuse of federal funds in divorce and family courts.
Mandate 50/50 physical custody nationwide of all FIT Parents, in initial custody issues, make BOTH Parent equally responsible for raising a child.
“There’s no more important ingredient for success, nothing that would be more important for us reducing violence than strong, stable families, which means we should do more to promote marriage and encourage fatherhood,” Obama said.
So now the president has spoken…Let us stop criminalizing good decent men, whose only crime is to be poor and have married a woman that had no intention of staying for the long haul…So many men would give their eye teeth to be in their children’s lives, helping raise them, teaching them right from wrong…But due to our Feminist attitude that only MOM is entitled to the children and our gov’t rewarding such behavior everyday in our Family courts, we have a nation of people that are only concerned about “Me”, give no thought what so ever to the consequences of their actions.
The time to put Dad back in the family is long past due, and if you don’t take a stand against the problem, then you are part of the problem…CHILDREN NEED THEIR FATHERS… much more than they need anything else. Children are not tools to be bargained with and the sooner America realizes, that they can no longer use children as a weapon to get back at the supposed wrong of the other parent, the sooner our nation will get back on track. A strong family background, with good moral character is what our nation needs.
Too many valuable assets are being wasted on courts, lawyers, and counselors, that could be better spent on raising a child/children. We have tried in the best interest of the child, and it is not working, as too many judges enter the courtroom with a built in bias of this is “my courtroom and I make the law”, and even if you do have a good judge, no one follows up on visitation issues where the custodial parent, decides to totally ignore the court orders and feels as if they own the child. Don’t do this for me, sign this petition for your son, your daughter, your niece, your nephew, your mother, your father.
Sign this petition for the betterment of America. It affects each and every one of us, in all walks of life.
Administrator’s note: It has been awhile since our last post but that is because Leon has been working on a comprehensive report to the Justice Department which will hopefully lead to meaningful reforms in our nation’s divorce and family courts. This report has been sent to U.S. Attorney Loretta Lynch at the Justice Department in Washington D.C. and it seeks the following:
1) A federal investigation into the abuses of federal funds to the states in divorce and family court proceedings;
2) Proactive measures by President Barack Obama and his administration to include a task force on father discrimination to lend credibility behind his annual upcoming Fathers’ Day message; and
3) Administrative review of draconian support warrant and incarceration practices by local law enforcement to prevent escalating violence reflected by murder of Walter Scott in South Carolina.
Attached you will find cover letter to U.S. Attorney Loretta Lynch and first…
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